Money (or lack of) and horses

How do you relate to money?

It definitely carries an energy in people with horses.  Non horse folk think we must be rich to have horses. We think we are poor BECAUSE we have horses.

We won’t spend money on our houses, on meals out, on ourselves.  Yet we find the money for the vet bills, the 107 supplements Thunderhooves needs, the new saddle, that mane detangler or that really nice matchy saddle pad and fly veil.

We feel guilty for spending money on anything but our horse, because they take a chunk of our household income and therefore we feel that they are our one luxury and we shouldn’t go spending elsewhere.  

This seems to be especially true if you are not the main breadwinner in the house.  Not really seeing the household income as yours, and already feeling bad about the money you spend on your horse means theres no room for anything else.

Its a complex topic, mixed with all sorts of conditioning/beliefs we have grown up with around money, its emotive to talk about and is a big cause of tension for many individuals.

I grew up with a scarcity mindset for sure. “We can’t afford x…” Riding lessons were a total luxury and I was allowed 30 minutes once a fortnight. Horses are expensive!

I have been on my own journey around money (and still continue on it!).  When I took a break from my full time job to have kids, I suddenly felt weird about spending money on anything over a certain amount.  Yet the decision for me to leave my job was a joint one with my partner.  It was right thing to do in supporting her career and raising kids the way we felt was right for us.  Yet why did I feel bad that I wasn’t earning and “contributing” in the conventional way.

I wasnt alone, and it became apparent that many friends were given an “allowance” by their spouse.  It feels very last century.

If I wanted to spend money on something that I felt was more than an everyday thing, I felt I needed permission. It no longer felt like my money.  The story I told myself was that It was out of respect that I would speak to my partner first (even if the money was readily available). This was especially true if it was something non-tangible (like a course/clinic/coaching)

When I wanted to invest in myself to gain more expertise and modalities for my coaching business it meant making some significant investments.

I would always ask permission, and yet the answer was pretty much always the same. “If you feel its whats right then I support you”

Yet I still felt like I needed to “sell” the idea.  Even though in reality the money was ours not hers.

It was a coach I worked with that first shifted my paradigm. She said “I see the biggest sign of respect being to trust your partner completely to spend thoughtfully”  She was the breadwinner and her husband took care of the kids.  She said “I don’t want him to have to come and ask permission, Its because I respect him that he doesnt need to come to me. I respect his decision in what hes buying and I trust he respects me when he is spending our money so why does he need my say so?”

It really changed things for me, I liked her perspective and yet still I noticed when I wanted to invest in my next coach, I still hesitated.  If it wasnt about respect then why the hesitancy?

It suddenly hit me. The real reason I wanted permission, was because it meant I was not alone in the accountibility if it didn’t work!  If it turned out not to be a good investment then she was partly to blame too!🤦‍♀️

It was a joint decision, so the results (in my head) were not all on me!

What a wake up call!  It really resonated.  If I invested in this, it was all on me to get the results I wanted.

Now I spend money on my growth and development (aswell as my horse!) and go in with full accountibility to get what I need from my coach /course/clinic.  I still inform my partner of what I’m doing, but it comes from a very different place and a very different energy.  Its not asking permission.

Don’t get me wrong, It still creates some nausea when I transfer the money, (thats still my work!) but its also fuelled by excitment for taking me to the next level of growth.

Of course its paid dividends, I know this stuff works, its what drew me to it in the 1st place.  

Most importantly for me, is that MY growth, means my HORSE benefits. I show up to him in a balanced, calm way. Ready to learn, and ready to work through challenges and sticky bits without all the baggage I would otherwise have.

Working on your beliefs about money will create some huge shifts in your self worth, and ultimatly result in you having more of it!

All the time we come from a place of “theres not enough” “I don’t deserve it” and “money is hard to come by” we create more of the same.